Sora and the Perils of Randomness
by Goggle
Summary: Sora wishes to be in a totally random fic....be careful what you wish for! Lots of Kairi bashing, 80's songs, and fish. Finally updated!
1. The Wish

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
  
By Goggle  
  
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Woo hoo! My first actual fic in ages! But before we get to the cream filling, you have to go through the dry vanilla cake known as the…… Disclaimer! Mwahaha! As you should know, I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Square, Fanfiction.net, a small island in the Pacific, etc. However, if you own any one of the previously mentioned items/companies and are interested in selling them/stock to me/my people/Stacy the Seahorse, contact me and I'll see what I can do.  
  
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Chapter 1: The Wish  
  
It was a quiet day in Destiny Island. A cool breeze was blowing, the small waves were silently rising and falling, birds were crapping on the heads of the unsuspecting people below, and Sora was waking up to another brilliant Destiny Island sunrise. He yawned and stretched out his arms as he awoke. The air was hot, and beads of sweat formed on Sora's forehead and seeped down his face. After a few more minutes of yawning and stretching, he got himself out of bed, scratched his butt, and groaned, "Ugh…hungry."   
  
Sora grabbed a t-shirt and shorts, and proceeded to put them on. He then ran downstairs to the kitchen, where his mother had just made a seemingly infinite amount of pancakes. Sora exclaimed, "Mmm!" and got himself ten warm, golden pancakes. He removed the syrup bottle from the fridge and grasped the top of the bottle, and pulled it up so syrup could come out. He then turned the bottle upside down and squeezed, waiting for the golden maple syrup to drizzle out. The syrup drizzled out of the bottle and created pools of sweet sugary goodness in the middle of each pancake. Sora then got out his glistening silver metal utensil with sharp prongs for grasping food and his metal utensil with the dull blade for cutting food. To most of us, these utensils would be known as a "fork" and a "knife", but to Sora, these were known as "things in the way of ME EATING MY PANCAKES NOW LET ME EAT THEM, FOOL!" He tossed the fork and knife over his shoulders and picked up the soggy pancakes with his own hands. All at once, he shoved them in his mouth and expressed a happy smile. However, you couldn't really tell that he was smiling, because his mouth was stuffed with ten rather large pancakes. He chewed and swallowed, wiped his mouth with his napkin, washed his hands, and told his mom, "ByemomI'mgoingoutsideplayingwithfriendsdon'tworryI'llcomebackbeforedarkbye!"  
  
With that, he opened up the front door and ran outside.  
  
Sora looked around. "Not much to do," he thought. He then spoke, "I really wish that life here was more fun, more…spontaneous!" With that, a burst of pink smoke appeared ten feet in front of Sora. When the smoke cleared, there appeared to be a tall leggy blonde woman wearing a parka, hot pants, leg warmers, and canvas shoes. She waved her left hand around as she said to Sora, "I am Aztrofollicameesha, goddess of spontaneity. Well, one of 1363 goddesses of spontaneity, actually. I have been sent here because I heard that YOU," she pointed at Sora, "wanted your life to be more fun and spontaneous and ever so unordinary. Is that true?" With every word she had gotten closer to him, and now her finger was pointed squarely between his eyes, with her face not far off. He could see now that she was wearing mauve eye shadow, taupe lipstick, and just a smidgen of rouge. He replied, "Um…yeah. I was asking for my life not to be so….boring! Just for once, I'd like life to be more…random." Aztrofollicameesha tossed her head back and laughed, "You really want your life to be more random? Fine. For one week, your life will be completely spontaneous and random. Things may not be as they have been in the past. Everyone will be acting strangely, but they will all feel that their behavior is normal. One week, and you will find out if you really want your life to be random or not!"  
  
Sora smirked and said, "Okay, I can take on anything. It won't be scary like you say! It'll be fun, and different for once!" Aztrofollicameesha shook her head and with a wave of her hands, said "Fine!" and disappeared in a haze of pink smoke. Suddenly, the air got all wavy and Sora said, "Ugh…I don't feel too well." With that, he fell back, hit his head on a rock, and blacked out.  
  
When he awoke, his wish seemed to come true. What he saw before him was totally random. And for now, he liked it.  
  
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DUN DUN DUN! What does Sora see as he wakes up? Is it totally random? Will I ever update this? Find out all this and more in the next installment of….SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Grrr!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review. If you don't review, ten starving children in Africa will be killed by ninjas in pink uniforms with giant novelty pencils riding unicorns! Review, review, review. 


	2. Touched For The Very First Time

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
By Goggle  
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I have it up one day, don't get the 20 reviews I asked for, and still I update. The things I do for you people…..Ooh, I bet you like the chapter title. Sounds sexy, doesn't it? Actually, this chapter might turn into a song-fic (no need to tell you what song it is, you'll probably know it) and a parody (you will know it too). Makes you want to read and review, right?  
  
Hey boys and girls, gather 'round and listen to a tale of an author named Goggle. She didn't own Kingdom Hearts, or Squaresoft, or Disney, or even a timeshare in the Bahamas. And she didn't claim to own any of these things, except for Stacy the Seahorse. So if anyone sued her, she'd just say "Look at the disclaimer! See! I don't own anything!" and then they'd drop their case. So, kiddies, the lesson is that Goggle doesn't own anything, so keep your filthy hands off my pudding!  
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Chapter 2: Touched For The Very First Time  
  
As Sora came to, he liked what he saw. And that vision was…Riku. Now, the sight of Riku alone is enough to make many fangirls faint, and the sight of Sora enjoying the sight of Riku is enough to make some fangirls write dirty stories making the two mate like sex-starved bunnies, Sora was happy for another reason. Riku, in a completely random change of personality and clothing preference, was dressed as a pimp; he was wearing a hat, coat, and all. In his left hand was a cane, and in his right hand was a stack of "Benjamins." At his right side stood what appeared to be his "ho", a 55-year-old blonde woman named Tanya who had curly hair, bangs, and a bald spot, and dressed in a hot pink tube top, blue leggings, and stiletto shoes. Riku spoke, "Hey, Sora! Ohmygawd, I woke up and I had a room full of fly honeys around me! They are, like, so freaking hot and desirable! Here, have one of them. It would be selfish not to share the fun." With that, he handed Tanya to Sora, and pulled a massive cigarette filled with fish out of the left breast pocket of his jacket, which he lit and immediately proceeded to smoke.  
  
Sora was left with the "ho". To tell the truth, he wasn't really interested in Tanya. It's not because Tanya was old enough to be his grandmother, but that baldness in women wasn't really a turn-on. He picked up a rock from the ground and hit her on the head; she collapsed and said, "Oy." Then Sora randomly achieved Herculean strength, picked her up, and chucked her into the ocean. He shook his head and said, "Ugh. That ho was nasty. Still, stuff like that doesn't happen every day. In fact, it was kinda cool! I gotta tell the others!"   
  
Just then, Sora heard a voice say, "Oh, So-ra! So-ra! Come over he-ere!" He turned around to see Kairi in a wedding dress standing on top of a what appeared to be a giant cake. "Oh, crap!" Sora thought, "She wants me to marry her? I'm not ready to take the next step in our relationship!" Even though he was frightened of commitment, he came closer. Suddenly, speakers came out of the sand and started blasting music. Kairi then lifted a microphone a few inches away from her mouth, as if she was going to sing. "Oh, she's just going to sing to me. Okay, I guess. She can't be that bad of a singer, can she?" Kairi took a breath and started singing:  
  
"I made it through the wilderness,  
Somehow I made it through-oo-oo  
Didn't know how lost I was until I found you-oo-oo"  
  
Sora was a bit shocked, to say the least. He was expecting her to belt out a Britney Spears tune, but this seemed unfamiliar to his ears. As Kairi sang, she quickly walked down the steps on the cake and had walked up to Sora. Right now she was inches in front of his face.  
  
"I was beat, incomplete,  
I'd been had, I was sad and blue-oo  
But you made me fee-ee-eel  
Yeah you ma-aa-aa-ade me fee-eel  
Shiny and new-oo"  
  
Kairi was now sitting on Sora, who had been pushed down onto the sand. Sora attempted to sit up, and then noticed that Selphie walked out from behind the cake, wearing a wedding dress as well, with a microphone in front of her face, prepared to sing. Just as Selphie opened her mouth, two seagulls swooped down and grabbed the speakers, and flew away with them. Kairi and Selphie let out an "Awww!" and Sora sighed in relief that he wasn't going to get groped anymore.  
  
When it seemed like it couldn't get worse, a tidal wave washed over them, getting Kairi and Selphie's dresses all wet, and hundreds of fish washed up on the sandy beach. Pimped-out Riku ran over and started stuffing fish into his coat pockets, saying, "Tutto per me! Tutto pesci per me! Mwahaha!" Sora rolled his eyes and looked up, saying, "Aztrofollicameesha, there's no way I can't handle this randomness."  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will Sora realize randomness is not for him? Will Kairi and Selphie finish their song? What did the seagulls do with the speakers, and how did they carry them? Why is Riku speaking in Italian? All this and more will be answered in the next installment of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review. One of those poor staving African children has been let go thanks to the tiny amount of reviews I got, but nine children still remain, the ninjas now not only have giant novelty pencils, but big crusty baguettes as well, and their unicorns are wearing stiletto shoes. Review, review, review, review.  
And if you don't know what song I used, or what I was parodying, I'll tell in the next chapter. If you do know, please don't tell what it is in the review, as it will spoil it for others. And sorry if my Italian was bad, I just got it out of an Italian-English dictionary.  
Review! 


	3. A Dance, A Mission, A Struggle, A Nude S...

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
By Goggle  
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I'm too tired to put a disclaimer, but I think you get the point that I own nothing except the seahorse.  
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Chapter 3: A Dance, A Mission, A Struggle, A Nude Scene  
  
A tidal wave had just washed over the beach; cake bits, fish, and kids were everywhere. Riku was stuffing his pockets with fish and ran back to his house screaming. Sora shook it off and focused on his honey, Kairi. She was pouting, "Sora, I wanted to sing for you, and now it's ruined. How can I make it up to you?" Sora gulped, and said, "Well, Kairi, how about doing something…random…for me?" Kairi smiled and said, "Oh, okay." She then randomly took out a boom box from the inside of her left shoe, put on the "I Dream of Jeannie" theme, and started doing the robot. Sora liked it. This continued for quite a while, so let's turn our attention to Riku for a minute.  
  
::Part of the story where I focus on Riku begins::  
  
Riku had just come home with pockets full of fish. He needed to dry the fish to smoke them. He removed each fish from his pockets and laid them out on his ridiculously long clothesline in his backyard. Then someone's muse said, "Totally, like, for sure!". The sound hurt Riku's ears and he fell to the ground in a fetal position, crying and saying, "Santa killed Tupac, Santa killed Tupac." The muse then waved her hands and in an instant, the fish was dried. Riku got up off the ground and took the fish off the clothesline and into his bedroom. His mother, who was in the house, didn't question him because she was having tea with a Kingdom Hearts game disc. Once Riku got in his room, he tool out sheets of notebook paper, gingerly placed three fish on each sheet, and then rolled them up. "Ahhh. This is good," Riku said, taking a puff on his fish cigarette. Then the author (yours truly) randomly decided to insert herself in, and make herself exceptionally beautiful and smart, and gave herself superpowers. So she walked over to Riku, said "Ima cop that orange juice!" Riku gave her a funny stare, and his hair turned blond. The author picked him up and threw him through his closed window, causing glass to be shattered and Riku to fall on the beach below his bedroom.  
  
::Part of the story where I focus on Riku ends::  
  
Sora got tired of the dance, so he picked up a rock and hit Kairi in the head. He then noticed that the sun was going down, and he had promised his mom that he'd be back home. Sora hummed the "I Dream Of Jeannie" theme quietly as he walked back to his house. When he entered his house, he notice his mom had been bound to the wall and was under the watch of a German anthropomorphic pig wearing a sweater vest and a mini-skirt. "Whatever," he thought, as he went up to his bedroom.  
  
As he entered his bedroom, Sora noticed that the sand was clinging to his skin and he needed to take a shower. He peeled off each layer of clothes until he was in his birthday suit. He went over to the adjoining bathroom and turned on the shower. As he waited for the water to warm up, he stared at his refelection in the mirror while singing "Eye of the Tiger". He continued his song in the shower. "It's the…eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival, and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all with the EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE of the TIIIIIIIIGEEEEEEEEEER!" sang Sora, with the last part in a high falsetto.  
  
He finished washing himself off, put on his pajamas, and went into bed, even though it was early and he hadn't eaten dinner. As he fell asleep, he thought, "That wasn't so bad. I can take six more days of this! You'll see, Aztrofollicameesha!"  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will Sora make it through the rest of the week? Will Riku recover? Will Sora's mom be okay? Will I actually write more? All this and more will be answered in the next installment of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review.   
Now remains only eight of those children, and the ninjas are beginning to think that unicorns wearing stiletto shoes isn't working for them. Keep it up, guys! 


	4. Kairi Bashing

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
By Goggle  
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Stacy, Stacy, Stacy the Fanfic Seahorse, Could you not sue, she doesn't steal, all that she owns is a one-dollar bill! And we don't own any songs used or parodied in any chapter of this fic! Any Kairi-bashing is unintentional, any pain on her is a random thought that popped into my head and is for humor purposes. However, if you Kairi-haters want to squeal in delight, go right ahead. I have noticed everyone's positive reviews, and although I want to appeal to everyone, I don't want to alienate my obses-, I mean loving fans! This one's for you!  
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Chapter 4: Kairi "Bashing"  
  
It was morning, and Riku was still lying outside his house, covered in shattered glass and fish cigarettes. As the sun rose, he awoke, realizing he had been knocked out by the author throwing him out his second-story bedroom window. Kairi, who was now wearing a neon green sweater-dress and leg warmers, and black high-heeled shoes. She tapped Riku lightly on the arm and said, "Wake up, Riku!" He yawned and rolled over. Kairi sighed and did what she knew might work. She began to sing, "I made it through the wilderness, somehow I made it through-oo-oo. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you-oo-oo" Riku yawned again and mumbled, "Sing more." Kairi rolled her eyes and continued, "I was beat, incomplete, I'd been bad, I was sad and blue-oo, but you made me fee-ee-eel, yeah you ma-a-a-ade me fee-eel shiny and new-oo." Riku's eyes lit up. It seemed that Kairi's beautiful singing had healed the hundreds of cuts on his body caused by the shattered glass. Kairi smiled and sang the chorus, "Like a virgin, touched for the very first time, like a vir-ir-ir-ir-gin, when your heart beats, next to-o mine." With that, Riku jumped up and gave Kairi a big hug.  
Sora had already woken up and was on his way to Riku's house when he saw his girlfriend and his best friend hugging. It would be an understatement to say that he was furious. He chucked the small toy poodle he was carrying at Kairi's head, which caused her to fall to the ground. Riku looked at Sora and shouted, "Hey, what did you do that for? It's not like we were getting it on or anything! She just sang to me!" Sora put down his raised fist and said, "What song?" Riku responded, "'Like A Virgin', why?" Sora raised his fist again and yelled, "You idiot! That was the song Kairi sings to me, and only me! It's our song!" Riku replied, "I didn't know. I mean, didn't both Kairi and Selphie sing it on the beach yesterday? Maybe they were going to perform it in that talent show tomorrow!" Sora raised an eyebrow and asked, "What talent show?" Suddenly, a flyer fell from the sky and into Sora's hand. It read, "Destiny Islands Talent Show Tomorrow". Sora said, "Oh. I guess I should sign up." Sora and Riku walked off to Sora's house to discuss the show.  
Meanwhile, Kairi recovered, got up, and brushed the sand off her sweater-dress. She noticed that her dress had caught on a nail. She unattached herself from the nail, and remembered that she had to get her hair done for the talent show tomorrow. She ran over to the center of town, tripping over rocks, speed bumps, and birds along the way. When she finally got to the hairdresser, she had a nasty bruise on her forehead. She put her hand to the bruise as she entered the hair salon. A woman with big poofy hair, for lack of a better description, coaxed Kairi into a chair as she did her hair. Kairi nodded at every one of the woman's suggestions and comments. This was bad for Kairi, however, because the woman crimped, scrunched, and teased Kairi's hair up a good six inches above her scalp, which was miraculous because Kairi had short hair. When she saw herself in the mirror, she screamed, "How could you do this to me?" and stuck her head in a sink full of cold water. She ran out the door sobbing.  
At the same time, Sora was in his room with Riku, discussing the talent show. "Oh, I have an idea! We should wear chicken suits and play bagpipes! That would rock their socks!" Riku suggested. Sora glared at Riku and said, "How about you sing 'I'm A Little Teapot' wearing a diaper?" Riku responded, "Man, that would suck!" Sora replied, "Yeah, well so does your first idea!". He picked up his alarm clock off his nightstand and chucked it at Riku's head.  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? How will the talent show go? Will Kairi get hurt again, or will she go injury-free the rest of the story? Will there be singing in the next chapter? The answers are I don't know, random, who knows, and probably. Don't trust me? Then find out, in the next chapter of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review.   
There are still 8 kids, but the ninjas now have three times as many unicorns, and chariots with spikes on the wheels. But they're thinking of ditching the giant novelty pencils, so keep reviewing! 


	5. The Talent Show

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
  
By Goggle  
  
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And now it's time for the all-singing all-dancing chapter of Sora and the Perils of Randomness! I think it's pretty much a given that I don't own any songs/characters listed in here. And most original characters are not me or my friends, they are just random names I needed as extras.  
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Chapter 5: The Talent Show  
  
Sora and Riku had figured out the best act ever for the talent show. Their act was going to be…Heeey! I'm not telling you! You'll have to wait until I get to it! So, as I was saying, they had the perfect idea for an act. They gathered all necessary costumes and materials, and practiced until the big night.  
The auditorium was full of people waiting to see talented people perform and untalented people screw up. As people took their seats, a short balding man with a ponytail stood up on stage. He grabbed a microphone and yelled, "People! Quiet down so the acts can come on!" The people became silent. The man then said, "Good! Okay, our first act is Rachel, Karen, and Jackie doing a dance routine! Go, ladies!"  
The three girls, all dressed in pink frilly dresses, gathered in a triangle on stage. They looked like they were going to dance to some pop tune. One went over to a boom box and pressed the play button. Out of the speakers came not a Britney Spears song, but a Missy Elliott song. Immediately, the three girls attempted to copy the female rapper's dance moves. Cheers came from the crowd. After the trio finished, the man went back on stage and said, "Okay, ladies, you were great. Now give it up for our next act, Riku and Sora!"  
Sora and Riku walked on stage wearing chicken suits with Flock of Seagulls waterfall haircuts. Sora got behind a keyboard and started playing, and Riku held a microphone and sang.  
  
"I walked along the avenue.   
I never thought I'd meet a girl like you;   
Meet a girl like you.   
With auburn hair and tawny eyes;   
The kind of eyes that hypnotize me through;   
Hypnotize me through.   
And I ran, I ran so far away.   
I just ran, I ran all night and day.   
I couldn't get away. "  
  
Between verses Riku got on the floor and attempted to break dance. The crowd went wild. All the ladies loved the chickens and the 80's music. As Riku and Sora finished their act, red roses and women's underwear were was thrown onstage. The man came back onstage and said, "Great job, guys!" Ten or so more acts went by, but they weren't interesting enough to talk about. So let's skip ahead to Kairi and Selphie's act. The man introduced the girls and they took their place onstage. They both had microphones in their hands. Kairi began to sing.  
  
"I come home in the morning light  
My mother says 'When you gonna live your life right?'  
Oh Momma dear, we're not the fortunate ones  
And girls just wanna have fun  
Oh, girls just wanna have fun"  
  
Kairi stopped singing as Selphie took a turn singing.  
  
"The phone rings in the middle of the night  
My father yells 'What you gonna do with your life?'  
Oh Daddy dear, you know you're still number one  
And girls, they wanna have fun  
Oh, girls just wanna have fun"  
  
The girls were dancing around onstage as they finished their act. When they were done, the man came onstage and said, "Okay, you guys we have a winner. And the winner is……SORA AND RIKU!" The crowd went totally wild. The two boys, dressed as chickens, walked onstage to accept their prize, a wheelbarrow full of fish. Riku screamed in delight as he jumped in and writhed around amongst the fish. Sora just shook his head and said to himself, "Aztrofollicameesha, it's been two days so far and I made it. There's nothing that I can't handle."  
  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will I actually write more? All this and more will be answered in the next installment of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review.   
  
Still eight kids, but the ninjas have abandoned all weapons and horsey-things and just have dull butter knives and rubber gloves. Keep reviewing! 


	6. Kairi The Fashion Savant

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
By Goggle  
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Stacy, Stacy, Stacy the Fanfic Seahorse, Could you not sue, she doesn't steal, all that she owns is a one-dollar bill! I own nothing. Nothing, not even this computer. Since the reviews have been just a bit lagging, I wrote some more, because I like reviews. And because I had some free time. I'll try to write more since an idea just popped into my head. So read or else your copy of Kingdom Hearts will come to life and stab you. Just kidding! This may be a short chapter, I'm afraid. But, hey, you read this far, why stop now?  
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Chapter 6: Kairi The Fashion Savant  
  
Sora had awoken in the morning feeling an immense pain in his stomach. Thirty minutes later he realized why: his trophy from the previous night was on top of his stomach. He picked it up and threw it out the window. Just then, there was a knock at the door.  
  
Kairi strutted through the door with an armload of clothes, shoes, sweatbands, and various other accessories. She threw the clothes on top of the already sore Sora. He winced in pain and screamed, "Aaah! Get it off me! It hurts to be so fabulous!" Kairi rolled her eyes and said, "As my 379909th official act as your girlfriend, I am going to make you stylish." She picked up a pair of pink hot pants, a black sports bra, black boots, a pink feather boa, and several gold chains.  
  
Sora grinned. "Oh, Kairi," he said, "You don't have to get dressed up all sexy for me. I like you just the way you are. Although, if you really want to, go ahead." Kairi frowned and said. "No, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want! You're going to wear these clothes. I have to make you fabulous, since I already am." She flipped her hair several times, then handed Sora the clothes. He walked into his bathroom to change into Kairi's 'couture'.  
  
Kairi giggled as her boyfriend walked out dressed like a female prostitute. Sora pouted and rummaged through his closet for a sweatshirt and baggy pants. He removed the boa and put on the sweatshirt and pants over his clothes, and walked out the door. Kairi cried, and then she looked at the Best & Worst Dressed issue of People magazine, that just happened to be lying on Sora's nightstand. She was shocked to find herself in a green sweater-dress under the worst dress list. Now the tears were really pouring out.  
  
Meanwhile, Sora was humming "The Safety Dance" and skipping out the door. Just then, two random thoughts popped into his head. The first thought was that it was the fourth day of the random week that he had to make it through, and it would be back to normal at the end of the week. The second random thought was that he had a large fish in his ear.   
  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will Sora actually go out wearing that? Will Kairi get off the worst dressed list? Will anything else happen with Riku? When will this story stop having the recurring imagery of fish? Will I write more? Then find out, in the next chapter of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review.   
  
Lucky you, there are now only seven kids! The ninjas still have butter knives and rubber gloves, but they now also have toothpicks. Sharp toothpicks. The kids are going to cry soon. Keep reviewing! 


	7. Wheel Of Fish

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
  
By Goggle  
  
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And now it's time for something that no random fic should go without: a movie ripoff…I mean tribute. However, this isn't really all that random, since it's a ripoff/tribute/homage to a scene with fish in it. No, not Finding Nemo, the blockbuster of the summer of 2003! This is a ripoff/tribute/homage/line-for-line copy of the dialogue (except for names, which have been changed) of the Wheel Of Fish scene of the movie UHF. So the laughs you get in the movie ripoff part of this chapter (I'll indicate when) are unfortunately not originally thought of by me, but are from the script written by Al Yankovic and Jay Levey. Wow, what a disclaimer. I bet when you do a movie parody for your fic, you don't give any credit to the writers or directors or producers or actors. Yup, that's what I thought. Any bashing of a character is unintentional, except for Kairi, because bashing Kairi can make me more popular and get me reviews.  
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Chapter 7: Wheel Of Fish  
  
Sora had been wandering around the sandy white beaches of Destiny Island when Tidus walked by him. He looked at Sora and said, "Hey, this is my only line."  
  
Sora turned to him and said, "Go to the Final Fantasy 10 section, where somebody might actually care." He smacked Tidus in the forehead, which caused him to fall down, and then threw little bits of wet sand at him.  
  
Hours passed and Sora was still walking along the beach. He had just been walking around in a circle with a diameter of approximately 6.5 feet, so he hadn't really gotten anywhere. All of a sudden, he noticed that the fish which had ended up on the beach from a few days prior were still laying there, getting ripe. Sora inhaled deeply, allowing the pungent stink of the rotten fish to fill his lungs.  
  
At the moment Sora took that really deep breath, Riku fell out of a nearby tree. Sora glared at him and asked, "What are you doing there?"  
  
Riku responded, "I was staring at my reflection in the water and I fell out." He took a moment to look at the fish that was crowding the beach. "Hey…would you look at that! That's a whole lot of fish! Do you know what we could do with that much sweet precious fish?" added Riku, with a gleam in his eyes.  
  
Sora answered, "Um…eat them? Riku, I really don't care what you do with these fish. As long as its legal and doesn't push the boundaries of good taste, I'm all for it. It's your life."  
  
Riku shouted, "Okay! Just wait a minute and I'll be ready. Sora…this will be awesome, trust me!" Time passed until…  
  
-----Movie Ripoff/Tribute/Homage/Parody Start-----  
  
Sora was in the audience of what appeared to be a…game show? On the stage, three contestants were lined up behind podiums. A voice eerily like Riku's said over the speakers, "Today, one of these lucky contestants will win his or her weight in fish right here on…"  
  
"Wheel of Fish!" shouted the audience.  
  
Riku, dressed in a karate uniform, jumped on a platform on the stage and yelled, "Okay, let's play the game. We'll start with yesterday's winner, Kairi. Are you ready, Kairi?"  
  
Kairi, who was the last of the three contestants, said, "I sure am, Riku!"  
  
Riku motioned for Kairi to move over to the wheel, which had many varieties of edible fish attached to it. He said, "Okay, you get over there and spin the wheel of fish. Go ahead. Give it a big spin!"  
  
Kairi did just that; she gave the wheel a big spin. As the wheel turned, she said, "Come on, bluefish! Come to mama! Come on!" It was pretty obvious she was hoping for the bluefish. The wheel finally landed on a red snapper.  
  
Riku said, "A red snapper. Very tasty. Okay, Kairi, listen carefully. You can hold onto your red snapper, or you can go for what's in the box that Sora-san is bringing down the aisle right now!" With that, Sora found himself also dressed in a karate uniform, bringing a tray with a box on top of it down. Riku added, "What's it gonna be?"  
  
Kairi was having a bit of trouble deciding what to choose. The red snapper was….very tasty, as Riku had said. But the box was so…mysterious. The audience kept offering help on both sides. She finally came to a decision and yelled, "I'll take the box! The box!"  
  
Riku shouted, "You took the box! Let's see what's in the box!" Sora lifted the box. It was…empty. Riku paused for a moment, then screamed, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing! Stupid! You're so stupid!"  
  
-----Movie Ripoff/Tribute/Homage/Parody End-----  
  
Sora blinked as everything returned to normal. At least, as normal as it could be under the week-long randomness that had been cast upon Sora's life. He returned to walk around in circles until sunset, and then went home for tea and bagels.  
  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will I give it up with the fish already? Will Kairi get revenge? Will she get bashed? What about Tidus? Was that really his only line? Will I write more? Then find out, in the next chapter of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review.   
  
Still seven kids. The ninjas got rid of their butter knives and still have rubber gloves and toothpicks. The kids are a little calmer now but I think one of them is coming down with something. Keep reviewing! 


	8. La La How The Life Goes On

Sora and the Perils of Randomness  
  
By Goggle  
  
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You know you want it, baby. Here's another chapter. I thought I might take the time to tell you that Kingdom Hearts belongs to Square and Disney, or a combination of that. The song "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" is a Lennon/McCartney song, which I think still belongs to Michael Jackson. Argh. And no animals were harmed in the making of this chapter (or the previous one either).  
  
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Chapter 8: La La How The Life Goes On  
  
Sora arose on a new morning and remembered it was the 5th day of his random trials. He brushed his hair out of his face as he wondered where the time had gone; the past few days had seemed like only moments. Sweet, precious moments laced with whipped cream and ammonia, ice cream and rat poison.   
  
He got out of bed and looked at his dog, La Toya, laying on the floor in a little ball of chocolate brown fur. As he put his hand on his dog, he came to three realizations. The first was that his canine companion was cold and not breathing. The second was that La Toya was dead. The third realization was that he had to make funeral arrangements immediately.  
  
Sora, Kairi, Riku, and the other Final Fantasy characters who were in Kingdom Hearts for the munny gathered in Sora's living room. La Toya was in a casket (if you could call it that, since it was just a cardboard box that had previously housed a computer monitor). The kids came up to the casket to pay their last respects and place flowers inside. Sora's eyes were welling up with tears, but everyone else seemed pretty nonchalant about it.  
  
Kairi served as the organist, playing Sora's piano. She really was a pretty sight, despite the bashing she had been through in the days before, and despite the bashing she was going to experience in approximately 2 minutes and 27 seconds. She was wearing a black skirt, a tan top, and black boots. Her hair was pulled back into a bun with a clip, and a single white lily was tucked behind her right ear. She sat at the piano, ready to play La Toya's funeral song.  
  
Sora had requested Ave Maria for such a solemn occasion, but Kairi had always thought that La Toya was just a stupid dog, and made up her own mind on what to play. She placed her fingers on the white keys of the piano and began to play while singing.  
  
"Desmond has a barrow in the market place  
  
Molly is the singer in the band  
  
Desmond says to Molly - girl I like your face  
  
And Molly says this as she takes him by the hand  
  
Obladi oblada life goes on bra  
  
La la how the life goes on  
  
Obladi oblada life goes on bra  
  
La la how the life goes on"  
  
Sora was, as they say, enojado. His so-called girlfriend had made fun of his dog's death with a lighthearted Lennon/McCartney tune about love and life and Obla-Di-Bla-Da! She could have at least played "Let It Be", which is more funeral-appropriate. He was outraged at Kairi's insensitivity. He picked up the box containing the body of his ex-dog and threw it at Kairi.  
  
Kairi had fallen off the piano bench and onto the floor. Tears poured down her cheeks as she looked out her outfit. Her clothes and hair were a mess, and she smelled like dead dog. She cried out to Sora, "Don't you see the point of the song? Life goes on! And if you won't let me make my point, then that's what you'll have to remember. From now on, Sora, we're through! I never want to see you again, you insensitive wanker jerk!"  
  
Sora said, "Huh." Riku turned to Sora with a sly smile as they both watched Kairi storming out of the house.  
  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Will I continue to bash Kairi? What did that 'sly smile' from Riku mean? Will I write more? Then find out, in the next chapter of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review.   
  
Still seven kids. That kid who I thought was coming down with something, it turned out he just had a cold. But he feels all gross and has a runny nose. The ninjas have started poking him with their toothpicks. Come on, save the kids. 


	9. Rewrite!

Sora and the Perils of Randomness

By Goggle

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Sorry for the FOREVER wait. I got distracted from writing by school…and musicals…and school musicals…and then school…and then just my general laziness. So to make up for it, I'll write another chapter so you fan boys/girls can remember how much you loved me. Kingdom Hearts still belongs to Square Enix and Disney, just as it did 6 months ago. You know you want it, baby. Here's another chapter. I thought I might take the time to tell you that Kingdom Hearts belongs to Square and Disney, just as it did 6 months ago. Why do I bother? So I can fill up space.

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Chapter 9: Re-write!

Sora looked at Riku and said, "Gosh, that was only a second but it felt like months!"  
"Six, to be exact," responded Riku. Sora looked back at his friend and ask, "What did that weird smile you gave me back then mean?"  
Riku glared at Sora. "What do you mean, weird smile? It's just my youthful charms, thankyouverymuch!"  
Sora inquired, "But that smile, it was sort of suggestive. I mean, we live in a shounen-ai world, and…"  
Riku shot back a look at Sora with the fire of a thousand burning nuns. "WHAT? BY YOUR QUERY ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPLY THAT I'M QUEER? IS THAT IT? HUH? HUH?"  
Sora squinted. "Uh, Riku, that's not what I meant…hey! How can you talk in all capitals?"  
The light-haired boy (that's Riku for you folks who haven't taken a look at the character portraits since Van Beuren was president) replied, "What do you mean, all capitals! Sora, this is real life here! It's not a…a…a fan fiction or something like that!"  
  
This dialogue went on for about 5 hours 23 minutes and 38 seconds until the boys realized it was sunset. Riku asked, "Hey Sora, it's the weekend. Wanna go to sleep over at my house and watch the new movie I got called 'Watching The Grass Grow'? It's all arty and…"  
At this, Sora got all chibi-lookin' and spoke, "OH WOW RIKU TOTALLY THE GRASS GROWING, IT'S SOOO COOL!" He then got put on large umbrella-hat and a bunch of Mardi Gras beads and did the cabbage patch dance to 'NSYNC's "Tearin' Up My Heart". It was a whole lot of fun and some moogles came by and started dancing too. Really, you should have been ther- Hold on just one minute! Something's not right. Let me start over from the beginning of the paragraph. Sorry, folks.  
  
The dialogue (you know, the one about the smile) went on for about 5 hours 23 minutes and 38 seconds until the boys realized it was sunset. Riku asked, "Hey Sora, it's the weekend. Let's put all that arguing aside. Wanna come to my house and have a sleep-over? We can watch this new movie I rented. It's about a man who collects potatoes and potato-related memorabilia. It's called "Spud-lust". Really gripping." Sora, who had been staring at his shoes and hadn't really been paying attention. He droned, "Sure…Riku…I'd love to…yeah…when?" Riku answered, "Great! Be at my house at 8 PM!" and sped off like a rabbit on cocaine - which is probably really fast. At least he didn't reproduce like a rabbit on cocaine - which is probably really fast too. And could result in birth defects.  
  
The two teens walked into Riku's house and sat down on Riku's couch. They looked out the window facing the couch and noticed that Tidus was repeatedly running into the window and falling down, partly because he's a little slow and partly because we needed someone to make an appearance here. Sora asked, "Hey man, why is he running into the window." Riku replied, "Bro, it's totally the Windax whichforcopyrightreasonsisn'twindex! Its magical cleaning powers are so gnarly, it looks like the window isn't even there! It makes your glass so clear!" They turned around and smiled and gave thumbs-up to the camera. The cameraman said, "Good take, guys!" and Sora and Riku went up to Riku's bedroom.  
  
Sora peeked into Riku's room as Riku opened his door. Inside was the most impressive bedroom furniture Sora had ever seen. It was made entirely of potatoes. All across Riku's walls were potatoes and potato-related-memorabilia. Really, an amazing sig- Hey! What's happening here! This isn't right! I know Aztrofollicameesha is supposed to be making everything random but really, neither she or I meant for this to happen. Let's try it again.  
  
Riku's room had a pixie theme, with pixie sheets on his bed and a little pixie clock - NO!  
Riku's room was covered in memorabilia of rotten coconuts - UH UH NO!  
- Wildflowers? NOT EVEN CLOSE  
- Pink fluffy clouds? HOW ABOUT NO?  
- Well what is it then? Ducks? Spongebob? New Kids on the Block? DO YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT IF YOU DO YOU'LL QUIT MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT THE THEME OF RIKU'S BEDROOM!  
Riku smiled and said, "No, crazy author girl, it's fish. The many great species of North American freshwater fish." The two boys lay down on Riku's floor. Riku jumped up and ran into his walk-in closet. Some noises came from the closet's direction, and after a few minutes Riku came out with two green wigs and oversized novelty sunglasses. He said excitedly, "Sora, screw the movie…not literally, please…I have the best idea, and we're going to use these."  
  
Meanwhile, Aztrofollicameesha was sitting pretty on a cloud, banging her head against a wall. Which really shouldn't have hurt, since the wall was made of clouds, which is made of water vapor and therefore a gas, and it only hurts if you bang your head against a solid, unless you banged your head against liquid or gas that was really really hot or really really cold, and then you'd probably die. But Aztrofollicameesha isn't human like we are so, she can bang her head against whatever she wants. Anyways, Aztrofollicameesha continued banging her head on The Concise Encyclopedia of Great North American Freshwater Fish and saying, "My imagination's busted! Oh well, only two more days. Two more days. I'll really torture this poor kid, I will, I will. I'll make him wish he'd never wished to have a random life at all!"  
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DUN DUN DUN! What happens next? Wil Aztrofollicameesha refresh her imagination? What will happen with Sora and Riku and the wigs and sunglasses and their sleep-over? Will I ever bring up Kairi again? Will I write more? Then find out, in the next chapter of SORA AND THE PERILS OF RANDOMNESS!  
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Please read and review, send ideas, flame, talk about how hot Sora/Kairi/Riku/Britney Spears/Stacy/Goggle is, whatever. I don't want to have to use the "I want 20 reviews or no new chapters! Arrrrgh!" threat, but if I don't get reviews, I may need to use that. Please review.   
  
They let two kids go. But some of the remaining kids have ear infections and the ninjas refuse to give them medicine. Plus, two kids had birthdays and the ninjas threw them a party, but they got the wrong kind of cake. Those kids are crying now. Think of the children. Review.


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